Saturday, 20 December 2008

• Currently What They Want: A Novel By Omar Tyree see related

  Are women really insatiable?

  I feel women are insatiable.  I feel as soon as I get one thing down.  A new complaint stems from it.  I think there is an eternal tight rope that men are expected to walk, jog, or run across on the whims of a woman.  Because afterall a woman wants what she wants. And if it so happens that she wants the impossible, it is up to that man, or in this case, this man, to make the impossible happen or hear about his shortcomings. 

  Now I do alot for a relationship. And yes for a relationship. Money, time, energy, sleep all sacrifices I have been ready and willing to make in order to make things work.  But my question is always-- will it ever be enough?

  More and more on television, in music, I see the theme that women want EVERYTHING.  And I am better than what I was before. But the push to be this prince charming is still being made... and I am no prince charming. In fact, I think I am closer to the frog.

  I can talk about the positives I have.  I love women in general. The way they walk, talk, smell... taste.  I can be a true gentleman or a savage.  I open doors and I don't mind all the domestic crap.  I'll take out garbage, wash dishes, shovel snow-- because my mom had to do all of that stuff, and the fact my father did not, made him less of a man in my eyes. 

  But the negatives (trust me, a much more numerous list) include:  I don't like the mushmush.  Maybe all it took was that first heartbreak. Maybe I'm just over it.  Maybe I don't think it makes a difference. Maybe it's one of those things where it just hurts too bad to have it criticized.  So you won't hear me saying things like I love you gooberpop, sugarplum, pumpkintit.

  And I guess the tension comes from, who wants to be with a woman who you feel like is unsatisfied? Especially when she did seem MUCH more satisifed before she got the thing she wanted more than anything-- the title and exclusivity. I remember when I believed just that would be enough to keep her happy. Dumb right.  

  I just don't see why I have to change.  If I do more than what I am doing now, won't it just feel like work? Like wearing a uniform.  Showing up, clocking in, and never...ever clocking out.  When we were just friends I got her a bookbag and she practically lit up.  I got her perfume and she loved it. I bought a diamond necklace, and while she appreciated it, the first thing she noticed was that the card wasn't heavily inscribed.  And again I can't be mad at that. She's always been the type of girl where sentiment weighed more heavily than materiality.  But the sentiment was there. I don't know who wants to keep trying and keep failing? Especially if each thing feels like a gamble.  And you sit there and see if maybe you've got a winner... and you don't.

  But I guess I don't know where these requirements settled into the relationship. And although most people wouldn't call them requirements I don't know what else to refer to them as. 

  You don't call enough.

  You don't say I love you enough.

  You don't write to me anymore.

  You don't treat me like a queen.

  But, I guess it's hard not to feel like the emphasis is always on what I don't do. Rather than what I do-do, my dooties (said with a Chandler giggle).  But guess can only try harder right.  Just wish women came with a handbook, becomes sometimes it just feels like a fight with the impossible...

  • 1:23 PM
  • 70 Views
  • 4 eProps
  • 2 Comments