Tuesday, 09 December 2008

• Penis v. The Condom Round II

  Round I.

  I have the misfortune of beginning my life as a sexual being without the age old prophylactic.  My ex-girlfriend could have been reading the lines right out of one of those "Just Say No" commercials.

  She would tell me how she was ready. And it was time. So then the time came. And..so did I. But never with that thin layer of plastic between us. I hated it, well--as much as you can hate unprotected sex. But, it made me feel irresponsible.

  I remember I told my best friend. And he told a female friend of ours. T'was like the most embarassing thing ever. Ugh. Anyway so I tried to push for the use of the jimmy hat, for then little jimmy, (I lost my virginity when I was 16) but apparently they made her "itch." So, the push was just of a cart out of WalMart...while the colorful, flavored, vibrating, penis protectors remained on the shelf.

  Around my 20th birthday, the teenage, and the love, of our teenage love affair had come to a close. Leaving, well just the affair.  And then it was suggested "Hey buddy, your sticking your buddy in a sex buddy, but she might have other buddies too."

  As far as I know I was the only buddy. But I thought it was time to get little jimmy checked out. Dr. said I was crazy.  I had only had sex with one person (and to my knowledge) we were both virgins, and had only been with one another.

  Long story short. My penis was safe.

  Now, I have been in a new relationship for a year. If something can be new for a year.. but yup.

  Still no glove during the love.

  To my credit. I tried once, twice even? But trojans are apparently not made for me. It looked kinda like if you tried to put a rubber band around a turkey.

  But Round II

  Me, Magnum, and madness.

  I just hope he doesn't suffocate in there...

   

   

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